Why you should never invite EmeraldH to hogwarts
by Emerald the Warrior Princess
Summary: Okay, so I got bored- plus I was watching HP movie weekend- and then thought to myself, "Dude, I wonder what it would be like if I went to Hogwarts." This is the answer to my idiotic question. Disclaimed, and no flames.
1. Chapter 1

Well, dudes and dudettes, since The Padawan Series Show finale, I've been _bored_. So now here I am at Hogwarts!... Yep... Okay, um, past time\date\day et cetera. In other words, about 5 hours ago.

* * *

I stared at the train with wide eyes. It took me two tries to get past the barrier before I could get on the stupid platform. And now here I am, staring at the Howgwarts Express with Deer-Eyes... Meaning I'm just standing there and looking at it, plus pratically being ran over by Hogwarts students. _Nice_.  
Anyhoooo, the letter was stuffed into my blue and black backpack- teehee, that rhymed-, possibly crumpled now.

_HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY  
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore  
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)_

_Dear Ms. Emerald.H- aka Mimi,  
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Hogawarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
Please find a enclosed list of all necassary books and equipment.  
Term begins on September 1. We will await your owl no later than July 31.  
Yours sincerely,  
Albus Dumbledore  
Headmaster of Hogwarts._

Uh, I highly doubt that they are "pleased to inform" (due to having a reputation of being a complete raging _lunatic_), but hey! Couldn't say no to kicking Moldy Voldy's ugly-lookin' butt, now could I? The answer to that is, _no_, of course.  
Annnnyyywaaays, so, I boarded the train and looked around for someplace to sit. The only place I saw available was... ***shudders* **with a coupla' hufflepuffs. Dadgum Hufflepuffs! Wimps... I may or may have not muttered that aloud, because they looked at me. Stupidly, I may add.

Hufflepuffs (_OUT_)

Grr.. I ventured farther into the train and managed to find an empty booth. **(A\N Sorry! Forgot what cha' call 'em.)  
**"What are you doing here?" a cold-sounding (as in the illness Cold) voice asked. I took my glasses out of my backpack- I don't really need them 24\7, just crap far away. Stupid near-sightedness- and glanced up. Well, not that far up, the dude wasn't that tall.  
And, uh, turns out that dude was Draco Malfoy. And three other Slytherins. _Blegh_! Hate snakes...  
"Ummm, sitting?" My reply came out as a sarcastic question. Draco just glared at me.  
"Well," said a girl behind him. Obviously Pansy. Draco's stalker. "You're sitting in _our_ spot." I glanced around.  
"I don't see your names on 'em."  
"That's because your _sitting_ on them." She replied. Sure enough, when I got up, Pansy had carved her name into the seat... The same seat I had just farted in... Oopsie daisy! **:)**  
"Sorry, I'll just leave you and your boyfriend, Ferret Boy, alone." To my complete satisfaction, Draco turned an _unusual_ bright shade of red. Like the highlights I used to have in my hair. I never dyed my hair again after that **:(**  
I dragged my backpack along the ground and _finally _found a place to sit.  
Luna, Neville, Harry and Ron had to do a double take when I walked in. Either because of my epic yet odd appearance (jeans with holes in the knees, brown fringe boots, a red tee and my leather jacket, plus my hair was in a bun with a pen through it) or because they're thinking "_Now who does she think she is, waltzing into the Epic Booth with Harry Potter's permission? Mmmmhmmm!". _One of the two! I'm guessing it was the first though. Why, you may ask? Because Luna went, "You're the new student from America." Of course, she said it as a statement, not a question.  
So, in conclusion of this flashback: I became... _allies_ with the one and only Harry Potter.

* * *

**(present time)**

While I was going through this flashback, me and some other first years had lined up, waiting to be sorted into our houses. I just hope I don't land in Slytherin. But before that could happen, the hat sang first. So Barney and Friends. Okay can we skip this part now?  
"Dark, Megan!" Professor McMonagall called. There was silence before the Sorting Hat cried out, "RAVENCLAW!" I guess the table that clapped was the Ravenclaw table.  
And skip this part too. Way too much detail and names to remember.  
"Emerald!" I skipped- yes, skipped- to the stool and hopped up and then the hat was placed on my head.  
'_So_.'" The hat said. '_This is the infamous, loon, Emerald.H_.'  
'_You say it like it's a bad thing_.' I mentally replied. Eventually. This is what happened.  
"RAVENCLAW!" Oh yeah! _Score_! Now to get more allies and prank the entire HOGWARTS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

* * *

**(A\N I am sorry for my total randomness, but that's just me. Teehee! Please review, no flames. P.S. I probably am a Ravenclaw. I'm so****not Griffendor brave. e.g. I scream at the sight of bugs, snakes, and I get woozy whenever I see blood.)**


	2. Chapter 2

**(A\N Before we start chapter 2, I'd like to thank my loyal reviewers**

**Ghastly Bloody Blade: I was wondering what that explosion was XD**

**Skyrela Tano: Oh no, it's fine. A lot of people question my sanity already! :P**

**-continued A\N and that's about it. Toodles! Oh and P.S. I'm probably going to use German and Italian phrases -yes, I am trying to teach myself Italian and German- in here, the translation is at the end.)**

* * *

**(Potions class)**

I sat with my chin in my fist... Ya know, I notice that Snape has so much grease in his hair that McDonalds could use it for a lifetime supply of fries. It's _that _greasy.  
"Miss Emerald, is my class boring you?" Snape asked, snapping me out of my thoughts on his hair. "No, professor, I'm just not a morning person." Um, no lie actually. I'm actually more of a night person... Oh, hahaha! I just made a funny. Get it? Night World (by L.J. Smith) people are called Night People (plural) or a Night Person.  
Anyways, I just focused on the back of Luna Lovegood's head (me and her get along so well, but that's probably because we're both loony blondes) as Snape droned on.  
It was pretty boring the night before. Just ate dinner, dessert and went to sleep. Though I spent most my time plotting.  
"Emerald... Emerald." Omigawsh! What _now_?! I whipped around and glared at Hermonie. "What the **(beep)** do you want now?" I asked, not bothering to lower my voice. Hermonie looked taken aback, actually. "I... I was just wondering if you know about the explosion..." _Oh.. _I thought. _She thought the explosion was another one of my magic tricks_. Well, noooo, but I _do _know who caused it. I rolled my eyes at her and turned back around to face an annoyed Snape. "That was Ghastly Bloody Blade." I replied in a monotone. There was a silent "Oh".  
***Sighs* **The only way Hogwarts could become more random is if Skyrela or GBB joined us... Then that would be _awesome_! I was so busy- yet again- plotting I didn't notice when Snape called out, "Class dismissed." He looked at me with one eyebrow raised. "Miss Eme-"  
"_Erhalten ein Leben_*!" I know, I know, not wise to tell your teacher to get a life. But hey! _Gute Sache Snape spricht nicht Deutsch_!*  
I was so darn tootin' proud of myself for speaking german, I didn't realize I was singing a song that had wormed its way into my head aloud. And in Italian at that. "_Draco e Voldemort, seduta in un albero K-I-S-S-I-N-G_!*" And then I immediently grew bored of that tune. So, I hopped onto the table- Everyone was in Great Hall- and belched out, "_EVACUARE LA PISTA DA BALLO! Vieni su Snape, sapete questa canzone_!*" And sadly, that earned me detention **:(**

**(30 MINUTES LATER)**

I reached over and tapped Draco's shoulder. He turned around with an annoyed expression. Exactly like the one I gave Hermonie. Scary, _IKR_.  
"What is it, Freak?" Ooooh, not the best choice of words. I placed a stern look on my face, pulled out my epic wand and muttered a few words. Then with a small _BOOM, _Draco was yet again in ferret form. "DANCE FERRET BOY, _DANCE_!" A voice called out as I made conductor motions with my wand. Which I stopped doing almost immediently. I looked up and saw Luna, Harry, Ron, and Hermonie smirking and laughing. Hmmm... I'm not a big, big fan of Luna or Ron, so that's why I turned Luna into a chicken- I just felt like it, okay?!- and Weasley into. Well... A weasel.  
"Turn them back!" Hermonie and Harry shouted at the same time. Ginny- who was watching the whole thing- looked torn between amusement and anger.  
"_Whhhhhhyyyyy_?" I asked tauntingly. Okay, yeah I know. Very Slytherin. But they're gonna thank me later.  
Actually, Luna is legit, but Ron... I changed Luna and Ron back, and when Ron was completely human again, I said, "If you go out with Lavender in two years, Hermonie is going to be PO-ed at you for who knows how long." Ron looked shocked. Hermonie looked embarassed though.  
"Lavend-"  
"NO THINKING ABOUT THAT SKANK!" I yelled, cutting him off. Sorry, but he and Hermonie actually look pretty cute together. Now back to Weasley. He frantically nodded and ran off. A squeak cut through the silence. Poor, poor Malfoy... LET'S SEE HOW FAR I CAN THROW HIM! **XD**

* * *

Conclusion: _Malfoy can seriously fly when he wants to! _**:P  
**  
Preview of the next chapter: _Takes place in Ravenclaw and Slytherin common rooms. Mwahahaha! No more pranking Draco, but Crabbe and Goyle seriously annoy me, the ugly goons._

* * *

**(Translation:  
*Get a life! (german)  
*Good thing Snape does not speak German! (german)  
***** Draco and Voldemort, sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G! (italian)  
*EVACUATE THE DANCE FLOOR! Come on Snape, you know this song! (italian))**


	3. Chapter 3

**(A\N You know peeps, it's such a lovely day for a troll- I mean STROLL! You know who I'm talkin' to! ;) )**

* * *

I sat on the window seat in the Ravenclaw common room. My rabbit (Okay, I would've brought my cat Coral, but she retired to the Bahamas. How she got the money, we may never know.) Daffy, short for Daffodil, sat on my lap while I read yet another book by Deb Caletti. _Wild Roses_ is my 2nd favorite book by Deb. _Stay_ would be the first.  
"Emerald-" I am so tired of being called that, "-, did you hear me?" Cho asked.  
"No," I replied with my nose still in the book. "Now get lost." Then Cho Chang ran off crying... _Wimp_...  
I sighed and shut the book. I've read _Wild Roses_ 4 times already. "Hey Luna! Benny!" (Benny is an OC) Luna and Benny slowly walked into the common room, looking slightly scared.

Me: "Let's prank some Slytherins."

Luna and Benny: **(O_O) **then **\(^-^)/**

Me: ***freezes* **Wait, how come I feel like something... _insane_ is going to happen at the end of this chapter? **(O_O)**

Luna and Benny: **(O_O)**

* * *

**(10 minutes later)**

"TELL US THE PASSWORD!" I hissed into Goyle's ear. It is very easy to take down Goyle. But then again, I have a little brother who is actually taller\bigger than me. I may be pretty tall, but NO WAY could I out weigh Goyle or my younger brother. Who we shall call Big Mac.  
Now back to me trying to get the password out of Goyle. Good thing he can't see my face, due to it being covered by a black ski mask. And he's too stupid to note the leather jacket, which I wore on the train, which also has tiny holes caused by a cat. He is soooo not Sherlock material. Not even Watson.  
"It's Salazar Slytherin!" Goyle cried as I held a pizza in front of his face. Turns out, he's allergic to garlic and tomatoes. Just like a vampire **(O_O)  
**"Thank you." I said as Benny and Luna struggled to keep the squirming cage under control.  
Benny and I traded places as the blank wall came up. "Salazar Slytherin." He said.  
The wall opened up and Me, Luna and Benny hauled the cage in. "There ya go, buddy." I told the skunk as I opened the cage. But before we left, I took out my wand to spray paint "RAVENCLAW RULEZ" on the wall.

* * *

**(the next day)**

Griffendor, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws- yes, even me- covered their noses as the Slytherin house stalked by**. *shudders* **They didn't even bother with the tomato juice I left 'em.  
I looked around for Snape. _There you are!_ "Professor Snape," I whispered to him before he entered the Great Hall. "You gotta have a grand entrance." He glared down at me as I poofed up a boom box. "HOGWARTS! MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?!" I screamed. They all looked up.  
"PLEASE WELCOME SEVERUS SNAPE, DEATH EATER, PROFESSOR, VOLDY'S LOVER-" (a few stray giggles) "-AND A PRETTY FLY WHITE GUY!" Then I hit the play button on the boom box and "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by The Offspring blasted.

'_Give it to me baby  
Uh-huh, uh-huh  
Give it to me baby  
Uh-huh, uh-huh  
Give it to me baby  
Uh-huh, uh-huh_

_And all the girlies say, "I'm pretty fly for a white guy"_

_Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco, cinco, seis_

_You know it's kind of hard  
Just to get along today  
Our subject isn't cool  
But he fakes it anyway_

_He may not have a clue  
And he may not have style  
But everything he lacks  
Well, he makes up in denial_

_So don't debate, a player straight  
You know, he really doesn't get it anyway-'_

Dumbledore stood up and raised his voice over the music. "CAN YOU PLEASE TURN THAT EXTREMELY LOUD... MUSIC OFF?!"  
I cupped a hand over my ear. "WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THIS EXTREMELY LOUD MUSIC!"_ (_insert a round of facepalms here)  
"NOW!" he shouted as I turned it off. The word "Now" echoed off the walls. Dumbledore smoothed out his dress- er, robes, and continued as if nothing had happened. "Now, I have an announcement to make-"

"Snape is Voldy's lover?" I cut in. "Yeah, we already knew _that_." I felt a whomp upside my head and glared at Snape. "Don't be afraid to announce it, Snape." Yet another whomp.  
"Seriously, there's no need to hide the fact that you're-"  
"_MISS EMERALD_!"  
"Yeeeeezzzzz?"  
** *crickets chirping*  
**"Now," Dumbledore said, sounding PO-ed. "Today, we have a few exchange students today-" (groans went around) "-so, please welcome, Skyrela Delagado** (A\N the OC not the author, but the OC does belong to the Author Skyrela)** and-" BOOM! A ship crashed into the side of Hogwarts and used the Slytherins as a landing pad. GBB- yes, Ghastly Bloody Blade- leaped out of it. "I'm BAAAAACK!" I was the only one who clapped. Cause I was the only one who thought his entrance was epic. "And I brought Chiron with me!" GBB held up an unconcious Chrion by a puppet string. "Um, Ghastly?" I asked. "Why is he unconcious?"  
"He refused to get on the ship."  
"Oh." I replied as the tranquilizer dart caught my eye. "Do you buy tranquilizer darts in bulk?"  
"YEP!" He replied. "Sam's Club to be exact."  
"Maybe I should start buying mine from Sam's Club."  
There was a cough from somewhere in the Great Hall, and then I thought to myself, _Oh yeah, we're at Hogwarts, not The Lunatic Convention._"BOW DOWN TO YOUR NEW LEADERS!" I shouted. "Oof!" I exclaimed as Snape whomped me yet again upside the head. "Oh, c'mon Snape, you just need to come ou-"  
"AVERA KADAVRA!" Someone shouted. It didn't kill me (FF AUTHORS ARE IMMORTAL! XD), but it did knock me unconcious for about an hour or so. And I didn't even eat breakfast **:(**


	4. Chapter 4

I sat up and groaned. "Oh dude. That hurts." I muttered. Hey wait, what am I doing in the med- oh... **(T_T) **I remember. I sucked in a breath, took out my wand of epicness and, "Accio computer." My computer flew into my lap. Now only if it would meow or bark. That would be hilarious. I booted up my computer and in the corner of the screen was the date and time. It's only been an hour. I expected to wake up in the future or somethin'.  
"Good morning, Sunshine." Sky (Skyrela Delgado) said as she skipped towards me. "That was some shot ya took."  
"You're telling _me_." I retorted. Daffy hopped into the room with- _Oh no_.  
Coral- my evil calico cat, don't ask- puffed on her cigar and glared at me. "I'll just leave you two alone." Sky said, slowly backing out the door. "NO! Sky-" _SLAM_! _&%$!  
_Coral continued to glare and puff (AND HUFF AND BLOW THE HOUSE DOWN!) on her cigar. Until, "WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING AT HOGSNARTS?!"  
"Er, it's called Hogwarts not Hogsnarts."

Coral: **:|**

Me: **(o.o) *thinking* **_WHHHHHHYYYYYY MEEEE?!_

Coral glanced at Daffy. "Ooooh, I see now." _Gulp_. I am so doomed. Unless, "OMG! ROBOT DOGS!" I shrieked while pointing towards the door. "WHERE?!" Coral shrieked back, then she apparated. Phew! Close call. I got up, picked up my computer and Daffy and left. I just don't like hospitals or anything like it. Especially dentist offices.

* * *

(Transfiguration class, my favorite)

Luna gaped at me as I told her my cat tried to kill me. Turns out, me-not-being-killed-by-a-Unforgivible Curse (it was Snape) was not popular, but a walking-talking calico is. _Hmph_. "Class!" Professor McMonagall called. Everyone stopped talking and turned to McMonagall."Today, we are going to learn how to turn into an animal." Oh, I've always wanted to try that! Oooh, but I forgot one thing: "Sky, pssst." Sky whipped around and then noticed it was me.  
"What?" she whispered back. Ghastly (who has to wait for his ship to be repaired before he can leave) and Chiron turned around too. I held up my MP3 which had "Harlem Shake" by Baauer on it. "Would you like to do the honors, Mr Chiron?"

(5 seconds later)

The message got around (yay!) so they knew to ignore Chiron's spazzing until the beat drops.

Chiron: ***wearing a wizard hat, starts spazzin***

I fought to keep a straight face as McMonagall and the Slytherin (we didn't tell _them_) stared at Chiron.

(10 seconds later)

"DO THE HARLEM SHAKE!"

Everyone (except Slytherin and McMonagall): *wearing costumes and spazzing*  
The professor stormed towards my desk and hit the power button on my MP3. "DETENTION FOR ALL OF YOU!" Aw man. Party pooper.  
I turned to Draco, who was wearing a scared expression on his face, and said "You're next, Malfoy." I hissed and smiled like a maniac.

* * *

**(A\N Short and boring, don't remind me, but I have other stories that are driving me nuts. If anyone has any pranks or ideas please let me know.)**


End file.
